My Unhealthy Shadow Relationship To Food
Men experience food addictions and body issues too. I used food as a means to escape. To leave my reality. It made me feel good. I felt connected, alive and SAFE with food. Food, like the movies, would momentarily take me away from a place that was violent, volatile and what felt to be unsafe.
It became the norm for me. Sugar fixes, overindulgence and gorging my food. I would eat a great deal, eat fast and want more. I associated food with safety. When at my grandparents’ house, my grandmother would cook up a storm.
Italian grandparents love feeding their grandchildren. I would feel sad for being at home and my grandmother always made me feel better. I began to build the neurological and emotional associations with food. I relied on food to make me feel better and there were times I couldn’t get enough, to the point I would vomit. This also plays into victim and co-dependence patterns I was developing.
This obviously affected my weight and I became conscious of this also. I would notice my father commenting on it more and I felt even more isolated. However, food was a constant, I could rely on food. But as my hormones changed, so did my outlook on life and my body. I changed my relationship to food and my body because that was something I was NOT comfortable with and it took some time. I go into more detail in the video.
I explore my relationship to fitness, health, mental wellness and how food can still affect me to this day and what I do to be in greater harmony with my body. There are still attachments there, however, I am aware of them and I am not so easily controlled by old patterns of impulses.
An example may be, if I am not feeling connected to my body, I may train harder, more, longer and really restrict my eating. I like to experiment with the edge, however, truth be told, some cases its because I am feeling low self-esteem and low self-worth. The “come from” is not healthy in this case.
I share this with you all so that you know you needn’t suffer in silence and isolation. You are not alone.
One is glad to be of service.
