The Fragile Heart
In order to activate the fullness of the soul, one must explore the shadows that plague the heart.
To reclaim the whole of who we are, we must own all of what we have been.
The healthy masculine provides safety, structure and continuity in his expression, but only once he opens his heart.
If the masculine remains closed and armored he continues to float in insecurity and shame.
Here, he denies access to the feminine.
He restricts receiving/receptivity and he projects himself to be superior in order to protect his unspoken fragility.
Now he oppresses the very thing he craves…
To be seen and held by the openness of the feminine — both within and outside of himself…
I see myself in fragility at times. My fragility presents as anger, attempting to protect my heart from being hurt and my vulnerabilities and insecurities from being seen. I trust less, fight more and am more frazzled, overwhelmed and confused. This is me in parts of my shadow.
From here, I generally spiral into shame. If I allow this to transpire, I am in a lose-lose situation with myself and my beloved. She feels me shut down, it scares her. This is inconsistent and therefore unpredictable.
I am now unsafe and untamed. I am not the healthy wild, but the volatile wild. This is not inviting. There are parts of me that still hide. I am human, I falter, I fall and I feel weakness at times.
This is not an excuse to not be responsible for choosing differently. I choose this closing down so that I can avoid feeling the momentary pain of not feeling enough. I am attempting to run from shame, but shame catches up… it always does.
This causes more friction and the walls go up. Now, I am not letting her in (or anyone for that matter)… I am working on this and it only unravels in the minutia and not often, but it is there. There is still at times a fear to be fully seen and witnessed. It comes up when I feel disconnected and overwhelmed.
I deal with it healthily by being with it, welcoming it and being curious. I share from a place of power and clarity what I am experiencing and feeling and this diffuses the shame. I actively breathe with it and move my body, I then sit in it and feel it fully without judgment. I sit in the cold, the heat and the body. It speaks to me and reminds me of where it is coming from.
What is unresolved and requires more attention, love and care within. If you at times feel disconnected from life because the past is rearing its head, you are not alone. What is one word you can say to yourself to remind yourself to break the pattern of being the old fearful you? Mine is PRESENCE.
One is glad to be of service.